ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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