Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
