why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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