i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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