Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
