dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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