Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
