shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So squirting runs in the family.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
