Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
