New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
