my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
