The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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