She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
