The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
