Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
