Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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