He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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