I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
