That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
