What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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