Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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