You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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