U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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