so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
