I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
