for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
