I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
