Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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