I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
