If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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