I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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