come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
