This is not my ceiling
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
