I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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