he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
