every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
