Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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