Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
