I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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