It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like eating out sand paper
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
