i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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