her vagine was all disorganized.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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