sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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