just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
