we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
