Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
