the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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