Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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