i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
