dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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