So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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