Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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