my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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