it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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