I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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