Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..

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(609): View more from New Jersey

There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

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(419): View more from Ohio

its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn

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(310): View more from California

Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

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(660): View more from Missouri

I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.

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(315): View more from New York

Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat

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