he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i love accidental penises.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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